made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
