You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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