how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
