I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
