I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
