im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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