I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
