why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
