STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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