i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
