I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
