note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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