Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
