Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
