I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
