I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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