im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
