I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
