We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
