mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
