okay pat passed out under dana's car
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
