I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
