I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
