hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
