I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
