dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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