Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
