i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
