I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
