I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
