God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
