i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
