you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
