Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
