I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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