Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
