i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
