ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
