come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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