eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
