omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this boner is exhausting
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
