he puts the penis in happiness.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize