is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
