you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize