how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
