Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
