I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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