Only a mothe r could love this liver
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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