I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
