I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
