We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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