Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
