Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize