I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
