I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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