Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You pole danced in your parka.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
