I've blown a few things in my day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
