Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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