she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
