i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
