We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
