ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
