Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
