I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize