I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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