They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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