Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
