Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
