oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
