What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize