i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
