White coat. Heels.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
