Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
