He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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