At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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